A trip to the bank

The trip to the bank today made my fucking week. I was off school early and thought I'd use this to my advantage since I had stuff to do at the bank. I got home, changed clothes and went out again. When I got to the bank, I see that there are one person at the desk, and one in line.

The first thing that happened the moment I set my foot inside the door was that this old weird lady mentioned something I quite didn't get, something about me being some evil money collector, I turn around and go "What?". She just looks at me weird. I sit down and wait for my turn.

I notice that this weird lady has some kind of problem, 'cause she's opening and closing her mouth all the time, and I mean all the fucking time. Suddenly she looks at me and starts mentioning names, I don't remember them, but she names at least 15 people in rapid succession. I just sit there and try to ask her why she's mentioning these names. She just goes on and on. Suddenly, she stops for a second. I thought this was my time to answer, but i didn't know what the hell to say, she just mentioned loads of names.

Just when I was about to ask what the fuck that was all about, she started talking again. This time she mentioned this money collector shit again, and goes on about him killing people, drugging people, beating people, poking out eyes of people, selling people. Then she asks me; "Do you think that's OK?". I'm so baffled that the only thing I can come up with is: "I guess not". She looks at me, goes on with the same sentence as before, with the poking of eyes, selling people and killing people, and then she asks if it would have been okay if it was my life, my family, my kids.

At this moment I'm thinking "What the fuck is wrong with this bitch?". She goes on and on about this guy killing people. Then she says "I don't even know the guy", and mentions another name, a female name this time. Suddenly this dude who was in front of me in line, some foreign guy pokes me on the should. I thought he knew this old lady and was gonna warn me about talking to her, but he just looks at me for a few seconds and walk off.

The old crazy lady was next in line - she just walks up to the desk, and I don't really get what she's saying, but right before she's done she starts talking about dude that kills people and that she doesn't want to pay him, but she has no choice, 'cause he'll sell her and kill her and poke her eyes out and shit. I am so about to burst into high laugh when she walks out still rambling names and how they'll kill her and poke her eyes out and shit. I don't even think she did anything at the desk.

I'm up next, and I can see the lady at the desk looking at me with this "Damn, I see you want to laugh, but that would be mean", look. I keep it together, get my shit done and walk out. NOW I burst into laughter. This was fucking brilliant.

- Pingu

Sorry

So, yeah. I don't know how to say this - but I'm sorry. Since Sweden I've been a lazy ass good for nothing slowpoke. After the fourth night in Sweden I was so much on the move that I didn't really have time to sit down and write anything about what happened. But a lot did happen. But I think that only those who were there will remember. I am really sorry for not having updated.

Later time, I haven't really been to any good parties or had the chance to talk to women I don't already know. Hopefully that changes when I get some income.

Mainly I just wanted you all to know that I am sorry for not updating, and inform you that I am still here, and I will still update - I just need some new material!

- Pingu

Fourth night in Sweden

Early on the day, me, TheBard and Rose went downtown. We walked around for a bit, TheBard was daygaming the shit out of the town while me and Rose just relaxed. I ate the best toast I've ever eaten and Rose ate the LARGEST FUCKING WAFFLE I've ever seen!

We went back to Nayya's place. Me and TheBard left to buy some clothes and food. I bought the most comfy pants I've ever worn and two nice t-shirts.

We later decided to check out this new film, Brüno, at the cinema. It was awesome actually.

After the movie we were supposed to check out the night life, we had decided to check out the place closest to the cinema (Maxim), but it was a "night club" so we went to a pub first. We went to this other place a little further up the street (NH). I had bought a cigar and couldn't wait to fire it up. All four of us got a beer each and found a table, but before we could even sit down, TheBard had spottet females on the other end of the sitting area. He was gone in a second.

I sat with Rose and Nayya and smoked my cigar, thinking I was the king of the world!

We could see that TheBard was hitting it off with the girls, 'cause they were taking pictures of him, and eventually he pointed at us, and they started taking long distance pictures of us too.

TheBard came to our table and said that the girls wanted to meet all of us. I decided I needed another beer. We each got another beer and headed for the girls. The closer we came to the table, the older they became. Now, they weren't OLD, but from where we first sat, they looked something between 18 and 20. We soon realized that they were actually 28-29.

After talking to them for a while, we got into talking about what we do for a living. And guess what - we were getting drunk with two cops and a teacher [HotCop, CopGirl, MsTeach]! They took loads of pictures, and I'll probably recieve them later today or this week.

TheBard really hit it off with HotCop, who was, obviously, the hottest one of the girls!

Well, we left the girls to check out the night club, Maxim. We got there and I found out I had to put money on the parkometer. Nayya and Rose headed in to the club and me and TheBard went to put more money on the meter. When we came out from the parking garage we met Rose and Nayya and wondered why the hell they weren't at Maxim. They told us there were three guys in there, and no girls. They went to check out when we could take a bus home.

Me and TheBard checked out Maxim anyway - it was quite quiet. Also they didn't take norwegian credit cards. Well, I had enough for one beer, so I decided to stay. TheBard ran to the closest atm to get some money.

While waiting for him to come back I took the time to get to know the two guys sitting there. One of them had tattos on his arm and blonde hair [Tattoo], and the other was a little black haired guy [LittleGuy].

Me: So, why is it so quiet in here, it's a free entrance and shit?

Tattoo: Yeah, it's Tuesday. You're not from around here are you?

Me: No, we're from Norway, we decided to take a vacation here 'cause some gal said we could stay at her place.

LittleGuy: Well, you came at the wrong time, and especially at the wrong day.

Tattoo: Yeah, even mondays are better than this.

TheBard came back and bought his beer. We sat down and talked to the guys for a while, and they were cool. One of them was a motorbike racer and had just been in an accident, his neck was hurting and stuff, the other dude was one day away from his birthday. We learnt from them that there IS a strip joint in Linköping. And it's supposed to be good too. It's only open from Thursday through Saturday though, so checking it out will be happening later this week.

Oh, I almost forgot, Rose rang me up just as me and TheBard entered Maxim and told us that the last bus was leaving in three minutes! Since we are norwegian hardcore drinkers, we decided to stay and take a cab home later (me and TheBard that is). TheBard still had to close the deal with HotCop.

We also learnt from Tattoo and LittleGuy that the street with all the bars and pubs was the third most dangerous one in Sweden. Well, that didn't scare us. We headed back to NH to meet the girls. We arrived ONE FUCKING MINUTE TOO LATE TO BUY A FUCKING BEER! So I peed instead. TheBard went over to the girls who had found two other guys while we were gone.

I came back from the toilet and headed for the ladies. HotCop and TheBard were talking and the two other girls talked to the two other guys. I stole one of the girls from one of the randoms, so that I had something to do while TheBard closed the deal. Suddenly the lights went off and we were thrown out. Me and TheBard left the girls and headed back to check out this other open place, Plaza.

We headed in to find out they had a cool bar, black jack and billiard. BUT, this place was a real gangster place, just by taking a look around we understood why this was the third most dangerous street in Sweden. TheBard went to the bathroom, so I just bought a beer (they had bottled Guinness *heart*). I went in to the billiard room to find some gangsters playing. I figured a round of pool would be fun, so I went over and asked them how much it was, they didn't know. Stupid gansters. I went to the bar and asked, got the price and played one round with TheBard.

We left Plaza to check out Maxim again, and this time there were more than two guys there. TheBard went to the fucking bathroom AGAIN. Now that I think about it, he went to the bathroom alot. Anyway, I went over to Tattoo, who was still there.

Tattoo: You're back, where's your friend?

Me: Bathroom, yours?

Tattoo: Bathroom.

I ordered a beer, and TheBard and LittleGuy came back. TheBard didn't want more, so he got a glass of water. We saw two ugly girls and one fat one.

TheBard: Let's go over to those three.

Me: No fucking way, I'm checking out the rest of the club first, those are ugly.

TheBard: Ok, but they're not THAT ugly.

I went around in the club to find nothing (except three suspicios looking people alone in one of the darker rooms. I went back and past the three ugly girls and got a better look.

Me: They are THAT ugly!

TheBard: Well, they are the only ones here.

Me: Fuck this.

We went over and talked to them, they hade studied in Norway and worked at the bar/pub/casino next door. They were boring. SUDDENLY this guy comes over, all fired up and looked like he wanted to beat the living shit out of us. At this point, both me and TheBard are drunk as shite. We just sit there and tell him calmly that we are from Norway and that he should fuck off. He left.

We decided that since there were no girls and since we were REALLY going out the next day, we should take a cab home. We decided to take a look at the middle of down town instead. Or, TheBard was too drunk to go home yet, so he kind of dragged me with him. We both had to pee, so we took turns peeing on some expensive jewelery store or some shit, then we called a cab.

The cab fare was ok, the cab driver was nice, and not some retard that we had when me and Rose were at the ER. We came home, woke up Rose, who came down in his boxers only and opened the door. Nayya was sleeping. We went in to the kitchen and made us some good night food and then I went to sleep.

It was the worst night one could ever go out in this town, NOTHING happened, still we had an awesome time and got to know a few new people and learnt new stuff about the town.

- Pingu

Third night in Sweden

I'm drunk while writing this, so fuck you!

TheBard got four phone numbers to four girls betwen 2/10 and 5/10 (and now I'm being nice), so maybe we can get something going.

The third night in Sweden I had some trouble with my stomach, so I decided to take it easy, since nothing is going on anyway. TheBard got drunk on rum, and the rest of us just watched some movies (Postal, Pride and Glory and Max Payne).

We had a chill night and nothing happened.

- Pingu

(seriously, beer is a lot different in Sweden than it is in Norway)

Second night in Sweden

We started the day by going to some huge mall and got us something to eat. TheBard tried out some daygaming, but it didn't really work out - it was Sunday, so no girls were really out.

We left in the car, checked out the Fun Skate Park, and "Hangaren" which is an indoor skate park. They were both awesome, so me and TheBard decided to skate around a little bit. Had quite a good time. We got home and Nayya's boyfriend was about to leave, so TheBard drove him to the bus stop.

After he left we just sat down and watched a movie, in Sweden absolutley NOTHING happens on Sundays. Anyway, we saw Superhero Movie (which was kinda awesome). We also found out that there are two festivals going on close by. Sonisphere and Sexsibility (Swedens first Sex festival). It's for everyone, but it's expensive. If we go it'll be just to check it out. They do have some workshops, so I'm considering learning something until Revolution gets home, not sure if it's worth it since we have great sex already though. Sonisphere starts on Wednesday and since we were going to Hultsfred anyway we'll go on Wednesday.

So, nothing exciting actually, but I said to myself I'd write about every night. Who knows, maybe tonight is the night. We also found a casino, but it's not open on Mondays.

- Pingu

(We have lots of pictures and they will be posted, we just have to get them on the laptop, we also have some film that will be edited and posted on YouTube).

First night in Sweden

People on the trip - Me (Pingu), Rose and TheBard.

People we are staying with - Nayya and her boyfriend (he's awesome but just here on weekends).

We arrived in Sweden around 6-7 am. We drove a few hours and stopped in a Karlstad to buy some liquor and beer. We bought loads of stuff and kept driving. Our GPS was retarded but we eventually found the place we are staying at. We arrived at 2pm and went out to buy some food and something to sleep on etc.

We got back at 5pm and started drinking beer (this beer is stronger than the norwegian shit we usually drink, and I'd been awake for at least 24 hours, driving most of them). I drank around 4-5 beers and was shitfaced. Everyone else in the car tried to get an hour sleep before heading out, but that didn't go very well.

I was sitting alone in front of the computer, trying to figure out if I knew any songs I wanted to listen to, suddenly the chest pains started, slowly spreading to my heart. Since I'm the nervous kind of guy and my family have stories of heart diseases, I told the people at the party and we called a nurse. I'm only 20 years old, so the chanses that something is wrong with my heart are small, but you never know. She told us to call an ambulance.

The ambulance arrived, they took my blood pressure, and it was a tad high (probably because I was nervous as hell). They told me to walk with them down to the ambulance. One of my friends [TheBard] was taking a bath, we yelled at him that me and Rose were going to the hospital, and he just went "ok". I think he was a tad tired and almost slept. Anyway, I get on the bed in the ambulance and they connect the ECG. Everything looks fine, but then he picks up the phone and tells the guy on the other end: "Something's wrong, the system won't start/restart properly". I don't really remember how the rest of the conversation went, but he started pushing on different places on my chest and it kinda hurt a little in the middle.

We arrived at the hospital and I was pushed in to room 3. They came, connected another ECG and I was told to just lay there. Rose was with me and kinda took pictures and stuff, I think he was bored. There were no hot nurses, so no fun to be had. Rose kept asking people what the numbers on the machines meant, but I don't think he understood the answers because they were in swedish.

After they were done with my second ECG I had to wait for the heart specialist. They couldn't get my ECG's from Norway, so they had nothing to compare it with, but it looked good. They still wanted to do some tests to check if there were anything else, and if they maybe had to make me spend the night in observation. Some fat nurse came in and stole some blood after using like 10 minutes to find a blood vein. She then stole three glasses of blood and said we had to wait an hours or so for the results. Since everything lookd fine on the machines I was moved out between some guy with a bad knee and some old guy/gal snoring.

I asked if I could go to the toilet and they said I probably could. I peed and went back to bed. I don't know if it was the position I was lying in, or something else, but my the area between my stomach and chest were hurting so I asked if they might know what it was, 'cause I had it a little when I was driving too. They gave me a little cup of something that looked like cum and tasted like chalk. I think it helped. Anyway, we were just lying there and looking at people running back and forht, listening to the sounds. It's my first time being drunk at the ER so it was kinda awesome, but a little boring.

I was doing everything I could to not fall asleep, since I had driven for many many hours and hadn't slept and drank beer earlier it was hard not to fall asleep. Eventually I got the results and they were all fine, the doctor said I shouldn't be driving as far as I did and have so few breaks. There is also probably something wrong with my lower back, so I have to go to a chiropractor. But my last doctor said it was wise to wait until I got back from Sweden, since it was going to hurt like hell for a couple of days after. Can't wait for that!

Anyway, I got the green light to go home, so we called a cab and sat down in the waiting room. There was a movie running, it was "Mars Attacks!", I haven't seen that film in ages, so I loved it, unfortunatley the cab driver came before the first face got melted. The cab driver didn't seem very smart, since he was asking how much I had to pay to get into Sweden and stuff. I was so dead tired at this point that I just answered as short as I could and tried to stay awake.

We got back to the apartment and rang the people to make them come open up, no one answered. We tried again, it was cold and raining and we really wanted to sleep. Finally an answer. Rose doesn't really understand swedish, but when the person who answer is halfway sleeping and halfway high and drunk, not even I can understand them. She got the message though, and sent her boyfriend to open up. I went to the bathroom and ate a yogurt (it was the only place with ligths).

I used my jacket as a pillow and fell asleep kinda fast. Nothing went as planned the first night, wonder what's gonna happen tonight.

Most of the stuff going on here is going to be filmed and an edited film will be uploaded on youtube and shown here and at forums.leiavmolde.net .

- Pingu

(Pictures will be added when Rose finds out how his cell vs. Windows 7 works)

Slorock

Since I've been drinking A LOT lately, and since a friend of mine got beat down (let's call him [Persuader]) the weekend before this one, we decided not to throw a party in the huge apartment we live in.

We are five people living in the apartment, with three bedrooms. The apartment is around 120 square meters without the hallway, so it's huge. We also have a balcony. The apartment is in the middle of down town, so we don't have any trouble getting people here.

Us deciding to not throw a party also resulted in me deciding to not drink. If you know me AT ALL, you know this is a bullshit commentary. I don't know why, but I somehow end up drinking no matter what the fuck I tell myself.

When I got home from work on Friday a friend [Rose] called me, he asked if I'm interested to join him to eat out. Since my economy is low I jokingly say “Yeah, if you pay”. He says yes, and proceeded to invite the rest of the apartment. He reserved a table for eight at this Italian place. I invited a couple I know [Magnum and Ms. Yellow]. They live an hour drive away, but make it just in time.

While looking at the menu I come to the page where they have drinks.

Me: Rose, can I have a beer too, pretty please?
Rose: Are you kidding?
Me: I never kid when it comes to alcohol!
Rose: Fuck it, fine you can have a beer, but only one!
Me: Yay!

I get a beer and a plate with lots of kebab on. We all eat and make fun of each other since almost everyone is having trouble emptying the plate. Ms. Yellow and my girlfriend [Revolution] can't get half their plates emptied and decide they'll bring the rest with them back home. At home we watch a boring film and play some games before we go to bed. Magnum and Ms. Yellow sleep over.

Saturday morning Persuader is walking around the place crying about not having any clean underwear, Magnum is snoring in the living room, I also found out that Rose slept over, 'cause the guy he was at went on a drunken rampage.

The clock is closing in on 3pm and we're all awake and planning to go skating. Ms. Yellow proceeds to invite us all to her place, she has the whole house to herself.

Me: But, I was supposed to not drink this weekend.
Ms. Yellow: Come on, it'll be fun. Just something small.
Me: Fine, I'll come, but Magnum has to pay for all I'm drinking and drive me back home tomorrow.
Magnum: What the fuck?
Me: Well, it's either that or I'm not going.
Magnum: I hate you.

We decide to not go skating since I am wearing my only clean underwear, and head straight for Ms. Yellows house. We stop by a new grocery store close to my apartment and get some beer. I figure out that I want two six-packs, and the fucker actually pays for it. This is looking good. We get in the car and Magnum starts driving.

One minute in to the trip I get bored and figure I want a beer. I reach back in to the back seat and get myself one, turn some music on and start waving to random people. They wave back.

We arrive at Ms. Yellows house, I've now emptied two cans of beer. I really need a cigarette. A friend [Blackie] of Ms. Yellow smoke, but she hasn't come yet so I call her with Ms. Yellows phone.

Blackie: Hi sweetie!
Me: I'm flattered, when are you coming, I need a cigarette!
Blackie: Oh, hi Pingu. I'll be there in an hour, but I only have two left, but a friend of mine is coming with more around 7pm.
Me: But the clock is 5pm now! That's two hours!
Blackie: Ms. Yellow have some cigarettes, but don't tell Magnum.

Ms. Yellow conveniently walk in the door, and Magnum is outside.

Me: Ok, Blackie I got to go!
Blackie: Ok, see you la....Click!
Me: Ms. Yellow! Where do you hide your cigarettes?
Ms. Yellow: Fuck Blackie, they're upstairs!
Me. Go fetch!

I get my cigarette, pop another beer and sit on their balcony fantasizing about me and Ms. Yellows dog [Balto] killing hordes of zombies from the balcony. I'm bored.

I find out that there is some fish festival [Slorock] going on about 500 meters from the house, and I want to get drunk before I go there. I tell Magnum to start drinking, he doesn't. I continue drinking and Blackie arrives. I'm the only one drinking. Revolution is bored.

Me: Stop being a party pooper!
Revolution: Stop thinking you are the king of the world!
Me: Thinking?
Revolution: Yeah, it's quite annoying.
Me: Fuck you, I'm getting a beer.

I walk around trying to get the others to drink. A few guys arrive and everyone starts drinking for real. Magnum makes drink after drink, and when he doesn't watch I steal some from his glass. He also thinks I'm to sober, so he gives me more. Nothing exciting is happening, really. A friend [NewGamer] of me and Magnum arrives and start playing the guitar right away. I'm starting to get drunk so I start singing.

Clock closes in on 11pm. Me, Magnum and Blackie are really drunk by now. I can see Revolution is starting to feel the tequila as well. Magnum doesn't have any more to drink so he jumps on a bike and leaves for Slorock! Half an hour later I drag everyone except Revolution (she was feeling ill) out. I tell Revolution which bed we are sleeping in (the best one of course) and she heads up and goes to sleep.

I start walking towards Slorock when Magnum comes back on his bicycle and yells at us because we are so fucking slow! I stop him and jump on the bike, beer in hand we wiggle our way to Slorock. NewGamer and his friend [TheMovieMaker] is there already and we find out it's a 100NOK entry fee. Since I've lived for free since Friday I deny to pay this fee. No one pays me in.

I walk around back where the other poor people have gathered and I steal a cigarette. Magnum and TheMovieMaker comes around the corner and tell me that they will get me in. I wonder how and they point at a door on the wall. It's far up and there are stairs leading to it. Magnum walks first and find out that the guy who manages the whole thing has an office to the right, we all run left and down some stairs. And we end up ON STAGE! Luckily there was shitty music, and no one listened to it. Mission accomplished, I am in!

I take a look around, there are no hot girls around. Nothing. I decide that this must be because I am not drunk enough. I walk out to the yard where the smokers are and get myself another cigarette from some random dude. I also get a beer from Magnum. I chug it down and get another one. I look around and I see unopened beer everywhere and it's just for the taking! I like this place.

I drink and drink and drink. Suddenly I realize that there's only me and NewGamer left. We decide to go find some hot chicks. We walk around – nothing. I don't like this place any more. We decide to go inside and see a set of three girls and a guy. This guy is huge, he looks like the father of two of them (remember, this is out on the county, girls getting shitfaced with their fathers here is normal). Luckily for us the father walks away. NewGamer is nervous and thinks that the girls are to engaged in their conversation with each other for us to open them.

I tell him to stay put and walk over to the girls, grab a beer on my way there and sit down. Open my beer and engage in conversation.

Me: So, why are two beautiful girls like you sitting here without any guys around you? (I know, the line sucks, but what the hell, I'm fucking drunk!)
Girl1: We are together, like lesbians.
Me: Must I repeat myself?
They laugh.
Me: Have you met my friend NewGamer?
The music starts playing so it's fucking impossible to hear anything.
Me: Wanna go outside and talk, I don't hear shit in here!
Girls: Sure, lead the way!

We go outside and I let NewGamer take over the hottest of the girls. I know they're lesbians, but he need all the training he can get. I wing the other chick only to find out that the one NewGamer is talking with is strictly girls only, while the one I was talking to were the bisexual one. Sorry NewGamer, I couldn't know.

We talk to these girls for a bit and then they walk off. Me and NewGamer sit around for a bit, chat about how there are no hot females around. Suddenly the hottest girl we've seen there sits down right next to me, and she's eating a hot dog.

Me: Am I the only one here who think this shit is fucking boring?
HotGirl: Probably not.
Me: So, you from around here?
HotGirl: Yeah, I'm with [insert name of person who kick people who talk to his girlfriends ass here].
Me: So talking to you is probably not a good idea?
HotGirl: Probably not.
Me: You're boring, I'll find someone else.

She walks off. And I turn around to see NewGamer talking to one of the ugliest girls there. Since I'm his friend I do him this favour and chase her away.

Me: So, I see you've met my friend NewGamer.
Ugly: Yeah, I have, my name is [Ugly].
Me: Cool, now run along so me and NewGamer can walk around and check out some girls.
Ugly: I'm a girl.
Me: No, you're not.

She walked away. NewGamer was unsure why I would do such a thing, so I had to explain that she was ugly and he had to find the bisexual female we talked to earlier.

We found the lesbian couple standing with some guys around a poker table. We went over to them, and before we got there they ran against us and dragged us out. We talked to them for a long time, and I still wonder – why the hell didn't I ask them the questions that I had about lesbians. Anyway, they had to leave, and we were nearly finished with anything – they had free beer all over the place for fuck sake!

One of the funniest episodes where when I met this big guy in a blue t-shirt [whale]. He had some red marks on his arm. And this guy was FAT and DRUNK.

Whale: Do you see these marks? They are from earlier tonight. My father is at home bleeding, I punched him.
Me: That doesn't sound good, have you called an ambulance?
Whale: Fucker deserved it, making me an alcoholic and all!
Me: So, it's his fault you're an alcoholic? Ever heard of free will?
Whale takes up his phone.
Whale: Watch this film I recorded earlier.

He starts a film where someone is singing, Whale starts singing with him. I takes some time before I realize that the song is about Jesus and religion and all that shit! And halfway into the song it's impossible to here what he's singing because he's drunk.

Whale: You know, I sing that song every night!
Me: Does it help you in any way?
Whale: Of course it does, why wouldn't it?
Me: Because you are still an alcoholic, you're father is lying on some floor bleeding and you are here.
Whale: It's not my fault that I'm an alcoholic, it's my fathers, that's why he's at home bleeding!
Me: Why don't you just quit?
Whale: It's not that easy!
Me: Yeah it is, just look at me now, I'm gonna quit talking to you just to show you.

I turned my back and walked away, turned around just to see him there with this confused look on his face, I just smiled and continued walking. I met up with NewGamer again, he was talking to TheMovieMaker. I dragged him with me and pointed out some hot girl talking to this body-builder-ish guy.

Me: You go hit on that girl, I'll take care of the big guy.
NewGamer: But, how do I open up?
(If you haven't figured it out he's new to this gaming thing, he tries to hard)
Me: I don't know, go with some classic like “this where the party's at?”
NewGamer: Ok, lets try!

I walk over first and get the guy's attention. This was easy, I just used the same opener I told NewGamer to use, and it worked. Men are so easy to fool. NewGamer looked like he was doing good, until two other guys came over and stole her from him. I told the body-builder to have fun and walked off with NewGamer.

Me: What the hell, why did you let them steal her?
NewGamer: I don't know, they just came and...
Me: Fuck it, listen, you have to show her that you are the alpha male!
NewGamer: I know, I was just surprised.

My phone rang, it was some ugly girl asking if I wanted to come to the after party she was at, I asked her if there were some hot girls there, she said she was there, I hung up.

Me and NewGamer walked around, trying to find someone, I also wanted a new cigarette. We saw two ugly ass old females standing alone in the middle of the yard outside the bar. I walked up to them.

Me: Excuse me, could you do me a favour?
UglyFemale: As long as it's not something sexual!
Me: Are you fucking crazy? I just want a cigarette!
UglyFemale: Sure, you can have one.

I got a cigarette and they walked off, without giving me a light. Luckily TheMovieMaker came by and had a lighter. While smoking I figured out that the ugly girl who just called me were our last shot, maybe she have hot female friends?

We started calling people asking if they could drive, no one was able. They were either drunk or at work. NewGamer told me he had to take a dump and I got his phone so that I could continue calling. Suddenly his phone rang, I answered.

Me: NewGamers phone, he's taking a dump!
Phone: Yeah, I saw he had called.
Me: Yeah, we need someone to drive us down town
Phone: Sure, I'll come pick you up.

NewGamer came back and we went to the car to get a lift down town Since we were driving past the party where I was in the beginning I decided I could get him to swing me by so I could get some beers. Of course, I didn't find out where we were until we drove by, so I screamed at him to break and go back (I was really shitfaced at this point).

Me: I NEED MORE BEER!

He backed up and I got out. Blackie was standing on the balcony smoking.

Blackie: Why are you so late?
Me: Late? I'm not fucking near done yet!
Blackie: What are you talking about, it's fucking 3 in the morning!
Me: So what? I'll just grab some beers and get going!
Blackie: Fine, good night.
Me: Oh, it will be!

I ran inside, gave Balto a kiss and ran off with beers in every pocket, jumped in the car and told him to drive us down town! Me, NewGamer and TheMovieMaker jumped out of the car. There were no one to be seen around. It was like a deserted small place from a film. We sat down on a bench and I continued pouring down beer. Suddenly some older people came out of a building, drunk as fuck, and we asked them what was going on. Supposedly they were thrown out 'cause the party was over.

We tried to get in, but there was no way. I called this ugly girl who had called me back and asked her where the hell this after party was! She came and met us and took us there.

There were a couple of hotties there, but all the guys looked like they wrestled bulls for a living, so I didn't dare to try to pick someone up, besides, I was starting to get sleepy and sick of all the beer and spirits. Things were starting to spin and I figured the only thing that could come out of this was a fist to my face. I went outside, found a car that was running with two huge guys in the front seat. I jumped in and told them where to drive me, and they actually drove me there, can you believe my luck? I went to bed next to Revolution, I had no idea what time it was, but around 7am wouldn't surprise me at all.

This is all I can remember from the night, I haven't been this drunk in a while, and things are a bit fuzzy. Also, conversations I've had with people are translated from Norwegian to English, and that's a bitch. Hope you enjoyed my story of my night out. All I can say is I was the only one still drunk when we woke up the next day, and I made the best out of it by being an ass hole!

The rest of the Sunday went by playing Left 4 Dead, Halo 3 and Prototype.

- Pingu

Answers

This will be continuously updated while I get new questions (surely I doubt that'll happen though).

I'm also on Twitter now btw - http://twitter.com/KongPingu

Jonas: Do you have AIDS?

Pingu: Actually, I don't know. I doubt it, since I think it's too early for the HIV to have evolved into AIDS since I'm only 20. But you never know. And no, I don't have HIV either (at least I don't think so).

Irini: Would you ever have sex with a man if you got a lot of money for it?

Pingu: What the hell kind of question is that? It all depends on how much money I'd get. When you say alot of money I can't really answer the question properly. Also you have to define "sex with a man", like - is oral enough? Or a handjob? Or do I have to take the choclate train? Anyway, if the price is right I think anyone would have fucked a man. It also depends who this other man is. Damn, I sound gay now, but like I said, I think any man would fuck a man for the right price. (None of you retards who read this have this kind of money).

Pinng: What would you do if you "accidentally" whacked someone, and had to get rid of the body?

Pingu: If I accidentally whacked someone, I doubt that'd be a crime. It all depends on who I whacked. And of course how the accident happened. I guess I would chop the corpse up in pieces using a chainsaw somewhere out in a desert or a forest. I'd chop it up in really tiny pieces. Then I'd burn the pieces, and scatter the remains all over the world. But from joke to horse - I would probably burn the body somewhere where it would look like an accident. Or maybe plant some evidence that points to someone else I don't like.

Jonas: Do you remember the website url to Jan Arne's IKT guide shit? AND Do you have herpes?

Pingu: I think the URL you are looking for is http://jada.dyndns.org - but I do no think it is up and running anymore. I do not have herpes, but I do have genital warts (or at least one).

- Pingu

Questions

I've read around and seen a few people do this. I am bored and have nothing to write about. So, all you readers (not that there are too many of you yet), click on the comment link and ask me a question, any question (for those of you who don't want to do it in English, do it in Norwegian (or any other language for that matte)). I will answer them in my next article, and update when you ask me questions.

I know this is a stupid fourteen year old girly blog thing, but I figure - what the hell?

- Pingu

Summer is upon us...

First things first though. After I logged on to google reader today, I noticed that there were four news on Final Fantasy XIII. The first one was just a screen shot of Shiva and her sister summoned by Snow. Though this new screen was awesome compared to older ones the next three articles really made me cum. It was three new trailers for FFXIII, they showed both gameplay and cut scenes. One word - Brilliant. See for yourselves:

Final Fantasy XIII on Xbox 360

Final Fantasy XIII extended trailer in english

Final Fantasy XIII japanese (with english subs)

See, I told you they were brilliant! We also learnt that they are aiming for a spring 2010 release (at least in the US).

Anyway, enought about boring crap that you don't give a shite about. As the headline says - summer is coming, and there's nothing I can do about it. It's not as bad as I thought though, because guess what - I've taken up aggressive inlining again! I call it skating though. We actually have a pool and some boxes and ramps in this small little town I live in. I'll get some pictures of it when I'm there next time.



I'm not as good as I used to be at this, but I still enjoy skating around, I love to jump and drop in to the pool etc. A couple of years back I actually almost managed to get some air to, resulting in me falling and bashing my head in the pool. I think that was my last run before I stopped.

I have regular blades too. I haven't used them in a while, but I'll put them on as soon as the sun is back up. I'd love to run through the centre of town on my blades again, can't wait for the weekend.



On monday (which was the first day I went out on my blades in about two years) I managed to rip open my wound from the surgery, so I still have to take it a little easy, but in a couple of weeks I'll get as good as I was a couple of years ago. And this time I ain't quitting!

- Pingu